Sunday, November 13, 2011

Random Thoughts

  • Hubby changed the lightbulb in the boys’ bathroom.  The Lightbulb Fairy usually takes care of these mundane tasks so that Hubby and our precious offspring never even notice a light is burned out, but I . . . I mean The Lightbulb Fairy . . . couldn’t reach this particular light.  Given my general lack of balance/grace/coordination, I thought it best to ask Hubby to do it.  The problem is that we got those "green" flourescent lights.  I’m pretty sure my neighbors think we have a grow light in our children’s bathroom.  I can assure you, we do NOT.  If we did, I would be so chill, dude. 
  • Given my last post, How I've Been Spending/Wasting My Time, I’ve decided that I’m a Manic-Depressive Crafter.  I get creative to the point where my glue gun really needs its own holster.  (I could totally make my glue gun a holster!)   Then I do nothing but watch TV for two months.  I have been known to knit, scrapbook, arrange flowers, make wreaths, sew, bead, cross-stitch, and so on.  And then I have vegged on my couch.  How else do I explain the fact that I have seen all six seasons of Dawson’s Creek?
  • I am an equal opportunity candy thief.  I separated the boys’ loot into two cereal bins and carefully marked their names on each.  The rest I threw in the trash because I could feel myself getting Type 2 Diabetes.  I don’t want one son to think I love the other more, so if I take two from Large’s bin I feel compelled to take two from Medium’s bin.  It’s because I love them so much, you see.  On the flip side, when Medium asked at BINGO the other night, “how come they get to buy cupcakes and we don’t?”  I replied with, “I guess their mother loves them more than I love you.” 

  • I have been blessed with good neighbors.  During a recent bout of potty issues, (which you can ready ALL about here . . . um, you're welcome!)  my neighbor stepped up to the plate and insisted that she watch my boys so I could go to the OB/GYN in peace.  Well, at least as much peace as you can have with a curious toddler in tow:

  • We had two teacher workdays last week, so the boys were out of school on Monday and Tuesday.  In lieu of telling them to please, fortheloveofpete, chill the f*ck out, I made them harness their chi with a little yoga.

  • And finally . . . the decorating challenges of the coach’s wife.  Yes, folks, that is a big-@ss trophy that has taken up residence ON my mantle IN the family room where everyone can see it.  

I hate trophies.  They are hideous, obnoxious, plastic, unnaturally-colored, phallically-shaped, dust catchers.  I can’t.  stand.  dust-catchers.  This one has worn out its welcome.  I can’t melt it down and make me some bracelets because, (please prepare for the shock of what I’m about to say,) it’s not real gold. 


I ask you, what is the sense in giving a team one GINORMOUS trophy?  What are we going to do, pass it around from family to family?  We’d have to rent a U-Haul just to transport it to the next house.  (And I’m not allowed to drive U-Hauls anymore ever since I hit that red pillar thing at the gas station and had to get two gracious Hispanic men in a white panel van to jimmy the lock since the keys were inside.  They had lots of tools and lock-jimmying knowledge.  I didn’t ask questions.) 

I'll be right back.  Mama needs a Snickers.

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Be nice, kids.