Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Things Baseball Moms Know

Things Baseball Moms Know:

1.  If you don’t check pockets, you’re going to end up with soggy sunflower seeds in your washing machine.

2.  If you have socks in red, yellow, green, blue, black, purple, and white, Coach is going to request orange socks for this season.

3.  White baseball pants last ONE season, and they’re only white for the first game.  After that they’re orange.  Forever.

4.  Tom Hanks was wrong; there IS crying in baseball, and it usually starts when your kid has been on the mound for an entire inning, the bases are loaded, he keeps hitting batters, and he can't find the strike zone.

5.  Eventually you’re going to reach for your wallet and end up pulling an athletic cup out of your purse.

6.  They all look the same when they’re out in the outfield, so that kid who’s dancing Gangnam Style at center field could easily be yours.

7.  T-Ball is THE most boring game to watch in the history of EVER, and it is not an appropriate pastime for the child who has attention deficit issues.

8.  Do NOT drink whatever-that-is in the Gatorade bottle in the console.  That’s Coach’s spit bottle.

9.  That dad who’s sitting in a lawn chair outside the outfield fence, by himself, with a cooler and a stainless steel cup, instead of sitting in the stands with the moms?  He’s no dummy.

10.  If you remembered his glove, you forgot his cleats.  If you remembered his cleats, you forgot his cup.  If you remembered his cup, you forgot his glove.  Repeat.

Happy Spring, y'all!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Where the Heck are Max and Ruby's Parents?

Small goes through stages where he becomes obsessed with one television show and wants to watch it over and over and over.  And over.  His current obsession is Max and Ruby, a cute little show about a rabbit and her little brother, Max.  It’s all explained in its catchy opening jingle:

How the heck did she reach the oven?
"Max and Ruby!
Ruby and Max!
Max and Ruby!
Ruby and Max!
Max and Ruby!
Ruby, and her little brother Max!
Max and Ruby!"

What is NOT explained is this: where are Max and Ruby’s parents?  They visit with Grandma periodically, and there are several other adults in their lives . . . Bunny Scout Leader, Mrs. Huffington, Mr. Piazza, etc., but no parents.  Naturally I’m curious about this and I’m wondering if the cartoon version of Child Protective Services needs to be notified. 

Ice cream; it's what's for dinner.
Because I said so. 
Theories Regarding the Whereabouts of Max and Ruby’s Parents:

1.  Mister McGregor caught them in his garden, and the rest is too bloody and gory to share on a family show.

2.  Grandma was a late bloomer, and actually Max and Ruby are HER biological children, though this does not explain why they don't live together.

3.  Given the current state of our economy, Mrs. MaxAndRuby’sMom had no choice but to move out to Hollywood and become a Bunny of the Playboy variety. 

4.  The giant tarantula that scares Max at sleepytime actually exists, and it ate Mr. and Mrs. MaxAndRuby’sParents.

5.  Mr. and Mrs. MaxAndRuby’sParents got tired of Ruby’s know-it-all attitude and decided if she’s so smart she can raise her d*mn self.

6.  Two words: Angora Sweater.

7.  Mischievous Max put them somewhere.  Like under the floorboards.

8.  Elmer Fudd mistook Mr. MaxAndRuby’sDad for Bugs Bunny.  Chaos ensued.

9.  They took a walk and kept going and going and going and going and going . . .

10.  You know that Kung Pao Chicken you just ate? . . .

Max and Ruby is the lesser of MANY cartoon evils.  I'm okay with a little Do-It-Yourself Child-Rearing as long as the show itself doesn't make me want to stick pickle forks in my ears (Caillou) or blaze up a doobie (Yo Gabba Gabba.)  

[ps, I got these images from my google-machine.  I don't own them.]