Monday, July 16, 2012

In Search of Preppy Clothes for the "Fluffy" Woman

First, I apologize for being away so long.  It’s these damn kids.  They need parenting, like, EVERY day.  It’s exhausting.

Hubby, God bless ‘im, bought me a preppy little polo dress at Vineyard Vines.  He was all excited when he got home because he had seen this dress and knew it was my style.  I have several from Lands’ End, and I love the fit because it’s, um, generous through the mid-section . . .  a nice coincidence since I, too, am generous through the mid-section. 

I tried it on, but it was too snug for my taste. 

“It’s cute,” Hubby exclaimed. 

“It’s too tight through here,” I replied, sensuously and seductively grabbing my gut.

“That’s whatcha got . . . you gotta work it,” he said. 

So while I am flattered that Hubby loves me just the way I am and sees no reason why I should cover myself up, I knew I simply would not feel comfortable in the dress.  I decided to return it and look for something else.

I love the style of Vineyard Vines, and I was so excited when they opened an outlet store near our home.  The last time I had been to a Vineyard Vines was when we vacationed on Martha’s Vineyard.  (Or simply The Vineyard, as a true prepster would call it.)  However, they need to extend their women’s sizes.  They have clothing for larger men, but not for larger women.  Worry not, though: I have already emailed Shep and Ian, the founders, and expressed my concern that “fat girls want preppy clothes too.”

They haven’t written me back yet.

So I went to the outlet to return the dress, but they have a strict return policy.  Technically, customers cannot make returns.  I approached the two twenty-something saleswomen behind the counter, who were both adorably clad in Vineyard Vines attire,  and explained my situation. 

We had an awkward conversation in which I presented the XL dress that was too small, and we went through the whole I’m-sorry-it’s-our-policy-well-can-I-speak-to-a-manager routine.  They politely asked me to browse while they called the manager at home.

I could hear their hushed conversation:

“This lady has this dress and she has the receipt.  The dress is too small . . .  We don’t have any larger sizes than XL. . . . I feel so bad . . . I know, but it’s too small . . . “

Finally, they convinced the manager to let me return the dress and exchange it for something that would fit.  (Something from our Men’s section, perhaps?)

I mean, their logo is a whale, for goodness sake.
You'd think they'd have some large clothes.
So here’s my question, Shep and Ian:  WHY don’t you have fashions for the fluffy woman?  Is it because it requires SO much extra material to make clothing for a woman with a little meat on her bones?  Is it because you don’t want to picture a woman stuffing a Big Mac down her craw while looking preppy in one of your skirts and a string of pearls?  Is it because the men on Martha’s Vineyard are allowed to carry a little extra weight but the women are not?

My request is simple.  Instead of me putting forth the time and effort (which I am doing, btw, but it takes a looooong time) to lose weight, I want your corporation to extend your entire clothing line in order to accommodate my beer baby.

That is all.  Good day to you, sirs.


  1. I have found my dream blog! Just had to tell you that I love all of your posts. I'm a mom in San Francisco, found you via Mamapedia about a week ago, and have been eating up your previous posts since then. Thanks so much for the laughs and good reading. -Emma (an admirer and writer who thinks you missed your calling as a comedy writer)

  2. "sensuously and seductively grabbing my gut" - love it! I've not had the gut problem in the past; not until, that is, I turned 41 and had my fifth child.

    I, too, found your blog via Mamapedia, and I will continue to read. :)


Be nice, kids.