First, I apologize for being away so long. It’s these damn kids. They need parenting, like, EVERY day. It’s exhausting.
Hubby, God bless ‘im, bought me a preppy little polo dress at Vineyard Vines. He was all excited when he got home because he had seen this dress and knew it was my style. I have several from Lands’ End, and I love the fit because it’s, um, generous through the mid-section . . . a nice coincidence since I, too, am generous through the mid-section.
I tried it on, but it was too snug for my taste.
“It’s cute,” Hubby exclaimed.
“It’s too tight through here,” I replied, sensuously and seductively grabbing my gut.
“That’s whatcha got . . . you gotta work it,” he said.
So while I am flattered that Hubby loves me just the way I am and sees no reason why I should cover myself up, I knew I simply would not feel comfortable in the dress. I decided to return it and look for something else.
I love the style of Vineyard Vines, and I was so excited when they opened an outlet store near our home. The last time I had been to a Vineyard Vines was when we vacationed on Martha’s Vineyard. (Or simply The Vineyard, as a true prepster would call it.) However, they need to extend their women’s sizes. They have clothing for larger men, but not for larger women. Worry not, though: I have already emailed Shep and Ian, the founders, and expressed my concern that “fat girls want preppy clothes too.”
They haven’t written me back yet.
So I went to the outlet to return the dress, but they have a strict return policy. Technically, customers cannot make returns. I approached the two twenty-something saleswomen behind the counter, who were both adorably clad in Vineyard Vines attire, and explained my situation.
We had an awkward conversation in which I presented the XL dress that was too small, and we went through the whole I’m-sorry-it’s-our-policy-well-can-I-speak-to-a-manager routine. They politely asked me to browse while they called the manager at home.
I could hear their hushed conversation:
“This lady has this dress and she has the receipt. The dress is too small . . . We don’t have any larger sizes than XL. . . . I feel so bad . . . I know, but it’s too small . . . “
Finally, they convinced the manager to let me return the dress and exchange it for something that would fit. (Something from our Men’s section, perhaps?)
|I mean, their logo is a whale, for goodness sake.|
You'd think they'd have some large clothes.
So here’s my question, Shep and Ian: WHY don’t you have fashions for the fluffy woman? Is it because it requires SO much extra material to make clothing for a woman with a little meat on her bones? Is it because you don’t want to picture a woman stuffing a Big Mac down her craw while looking preppy in one of your skirts and a string of pearls? Is it because the men on Martha’s Vineyard are allowed to carry a little extra weight but the women are not?
My request is simple. Instead of me putting forth the time and effort (which I am doing, btw, but it takes a looooong time) to lose weight, I want your corporation to extend your entire clothing line in order to accommodate my beer baby.
That is all. Good day to you, sirs.