Monday, July 2, 2012

What's in YOUR Bag?

Last night after dinner I decided I wanted to go to a local department store to look at tote bags.  I already own several thousand tote bags, but not THE PERFECT tote bag, hence my search.  Plus, I figured tote bag shopping would provide some much-needed alone time.

No such luck.

For some reason, Large decided he wanted to come with me.  Below is a sampling of our conversations while shopping for THE PERFECT tote bag.

LARGE:  Mom, these jeans look very large.
ME: Well, they’re a size smaller than what I usually wear.
LARGE: Wait, stand still.  Let me hold them up to you.  Um, where’s your waist?  Is it here? . . . Here? 

LARGE: (holding up a tiger-print, one-shouldered blouse) Look at THIS, Mommy!
ME:  Have you EVER seen me wear something like that?
LARGE:  No.  How come you never wear stuff like this?
ME:  I’m what they call a Plain Jane.
LARGE:  What’s a Plain Jane?
ME:  It’s someone who wears simple clothing – nothing flashy or animally.
LARGE: You mean like how you always wear a white shirt?
ME: Exactly.

LARGE: ooooh . . . look at THIS bag!  Is this fake zebra skin?
ME:  I don’t think that’s really my style.
LARGE:  Well, what are you looking for?
ME:  I’d really like something shiny like this one (pointing to an orange patent leather tote) that has a zipper up  top and pockets inside.
LARGE:  Well, what’s wrong with this zebra one?
ME:  I just don’t think I’d use that one.
LARGE: (sarcastically.  I don’t know where he gets it.)  Oh, like you’d use a shiny orange one.

LARGE: How come all these shoes are so high?
ME: Some women like to wear high heals because they look pretty.
LARGE: Look!  These almost fit me!  (Athletic socks and all . . . )
ME:  Super.  Daddy will be very proud.
LARGE: . . . But they’re hard to walk in.

LARGE:  (holding up a pair of driving mocassins.)  These shoes look like cleats.  But not football cleats.  Baseball cleats.  They should make these baseball cleats.
ME: Awesome.  You’d be the most fashionable kid on the ball field.

We were not successful in our quest for THE PERFECT tote bag, so I am still carrying my monogrammed Lands’ End tote.  It’s the only thing that fits all my crap.

Just for kicks . . .

  1. An Inventory, from left to right:
  2. Diapers and Wipes in handy clutch
  3. Orioles baseball cap
  4. Card from Edible Arrangements I received on our anniversary
  5. Hair ribbon
  6. 1 Kellogg’s Frosted Mini Wheat
  7. coupons, expired
  8. race car, red
  9. umbrella
  10. game schedules
    •  Baltimore Orioles
    • Richmond Flying Squirrels
  11. Nail files from my last manicure, weeks ago
  12. Clutch with emergency paraphernalia
    • Epi-Pen
    • Benadryl
    • Advil
    • Sea Bands since Large gets car sick
    • Inhaler
    • Band-Aids and Neosporin
    • 2 tampons
    • Off FamilyCare insect repellent towelettes
    • Dramamine
    • Tums
    • Burts Bees
    • May Kay Nourishine Lip Gloss in Bronze Bliss
  13.  Clutch of emergency lollipops and Craisins
  14. Wallet
  15. Pens of various sizes, colors, and permanency
  16. Binder clip
  17.  Sunscreen
  18. Empty bottle of party bubbles
  19. Bakugan ("borrowed" from cousin)
  20. Nasal spray
  21. Diet Coke
  22. sunglasses
  23. mints
  24. 2 trains, Thomas and Percy
  25. 2 cars
  26. athletic supporter
  27. appointment cards for doctor appointments
  28. Dental Floss
  29. Small’s sunglass tether, no longer tethered to said sunglasses
  30. Ticket to Strawberry Hill horse races which occurred on June 2
  31. Loudoun 8U Aces Lineup
  32. JoAnn’s Coupons
  33. Barrettes
  34. Score book from Minor League ball game

Just thinking of all the sh*t MacGyver could make out of all this stuff makes my head hurt.  Perhaps I’ll take one of these three unidentifiable pills I found among the sand and pretzel salt in the bottom of the bag . . . 

So let's hear it, mommies.  What's in YOUR bag?


  1. I have a cup to go with your athletic supporter...

  2. Have you heard of Thirty-One? We have MANY styles of bags in fun prints and colors...check out my website and let me know if I can help you in your quest! =)


Be nice, kids.