It’s almost 2013, and I have finally figured out that I am setting my expectations too high. So this year, I’m keepin’ it real. This year, I will
- Not lose any weight. In fact, I might gain a little or I might stay the same, but I certainly will not lose any.
- Ignore “that smell” coming from the general direction of the boys’ bathroom.
- Continue to be the only woman in my social circle who wears a skirted swimsuit.
- Celebrate my annual 39th birthday, for the 2nd year in a row.
- Visit Target at least once a week, if not more.
- Wear my bus stop sweat pants whenever I damn well please, and I will ignore the rolling eyes and the suggestion that I burn them.
- Allow my children to wear holey jeans and mismatched sweatpants to school. If they don’t care, why should I?
- Not volunteer for anything else, thus freeing up more time for me to finish watching all 9 seasons of Greys Anatomy.
- Cultivate a relationship with my dust bunnies, whereby I give them names, attribute personalities to them, and treat them as houseguests instead of feeling guilty about their existence.
- Take afternoon snoozers and rationalize my habit by reminding myself and anyone who criticizes me that my children get home from school at 3, so technically I’m workin’ swing shift.