I’m in Week 3 of Weight Watchers. The New Me will be debuting at the swimmin’ pool in approximately 40 lbs. In the meantime, I am hungry and cranky. And hungry.
People Who Bug Me:
1. People who think a handful of nuts constitutes a snack. A handful of nuts is a snack appetizer . . . what one eats before one goes whole hog into the bucket of nuts.
2. People who insist that it’s difficult to reach the minimum daily food requirement on Weight Watchers. Swing by the drive-thru for a Large Fry and shut the f*** up.
3. People who claim they love Greek yogurt. Tried it. Hated it. Reminded me of yeast infections.
4. People who cook with jicama. What the hell is jicama?
5. People who think fruit is a dessert. Cake is a dessert. Ice cream is a dessert. Brownies are a dessert. Fruit is what you eat when you’re trying desperately to maintain your calorie intake while simultaneously trying not to eat your own arm off.
6. People who eat frozen grapes as a delicious, savory, crunchy snack. See #5. Potato chips are a crunchy snack.
7. People who follow recipes that call for tofu mayonnaise. Mayonnaise good. Tofu bad.
8. People who think THIS is a muffin top:
You wanna see a muffin top? I’ll show you a muffin top!
9. People who add bean sprouts to their salads. If it looks like something I just sprayed with Weed Eater and/or paid my kid a dollar to pluck from my sidewalk, I ain’t eating it.
10. People who think that "dieting" is only about food. This is what I have in my home for my three skinny children and my skinny husband. It's about temptation and self-control and discipline and ohfortheloveo'pete are those chocolate chip muffins?
Did I mention I’m cranky and hungry? And hungry.