Facebook: A Sarcastic B*tch's Best Friend.

A few months ago, I blogged about how I wish I could quit Facebook.  It was cleverly titled Facebook: I Wish I Could Quit You.  I was looking through my Notes section on Facebook.  Hubby says I'm the only one who laughs at my jokes and that I'm the only one who thinks I'm funny.  Perhaps he's right, but I get a huge kick out of being sarcastic.  And kind of a b*tch.


Here are my responses to one of those Virtual Slam Books.  (Remember Slam Books???)  I changed some of my responses because I came up with cleverererer answers, and I deleted some of the lame questions, but you get the drift . . . 

I could totally pull this off.  Right?

1. What's the last thing you put in your mouth? I can pretty much guarantee you it wasn't vegetables.

2. Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew? I can't remember. I went on a date with a guy named Matthew, but can't remember if I kissed him. He took me to see one of those Chuckie movies, so I'm thinking NO.

3.  Do you believe exes can be friends? Nope, especially if they've seen me naked.

4.   How do you feel about Diet Dr Pepper?  Does "Diet Dr." mean he got his PhD from one of those on-line colleges?

5.  When was the last time you cried really hard?  when I tried to button my jeans.

6.  Where is your biological father right now? if it's the guy I think it is, at home - probably snoring in his chair, sudoku on his lap, geriatric cat (who refuses to die) at his feet, and the tv on some British mystery show.

7.  Where are you sitting right now? on my behiney.

8.  What bed did you sleep in last night? mine.

9.   Was yesterday better than today? NO, and both days involved vomit that was not my own.

10. Can you live a day without TV? Yes, but I choose not to.  I can totally quit anytime I want . . . 

11. Are you a bad influence? With most of the people I hang out with, no.  

12. What items could you not go without during the day? email/facebook. I have a problem.

13. Would you share a drink with a stranger? I'd give it before I'd share it.  Unless I was drunk, then probably.

14.  How many times have you been pulled over by the police? twice.  Recently, a cop stopped me for having expired stickers.  When I blamed it on Hubby (naturally) he accused me of throwing my husband under the bus.  He told me to change the stickers immediately and NOT to leave it for Hubby to do, to which I responded, "Of course not.  I'm not even going to tell him we met tonight!"
15.  Has anyone ever called you perfect before? not on purpose.  

16.  What song is stuck in your head? the theme song from Dallas, because that's where Hubby is at the moment.  I'm hoping he's busy buying me a giant belt buckle.

17.  Someone knocks on your window at 2 am, who do you want it to be? Someone knocking at the wrong window.

18.  Can you handle the truth? not if it's gonna hurt my feelings.

19.  Is there something you always wear? underwear. Almost every day. And my wedding ring.

20.  What would you hope to call your future daughter? an accident.