How to Survive Facebook During a Critical Election Year:
a Drinking Game
Take a shot every time
. . . One of your high school classmates, who couldn’t get a D in 12th grade Government even if he photocopied the Valedictorian’s homework, starts spouting off about his right to bare arms. . . not to be confused with his right to bear arms, which apparently he doesn’t know about.
. . . Someone whom you KNOW has made questionable employment choices in order to partake of the Welfare/Food Stamps/WIC program complains about paying taxes.
. . . Someone posts an out-of-context quotation in order to vilify a candidate, on the assumption that his/her facebook followers will take the comment at its face value.
. . . Someone who drives a behemoth automobile that takes up too much physical and environmental space blames the president for 7-11’s gas prices. It’s called inflation. A gallon of gas cost $.31 in 1960. Unless Marty McFly becomes president we’re never going to see those prices again.
. . . Someone spews hate-filled, name-calling verbal vomit about ALL Democrats or ALL Republicans, ALL Liberals or ALL Conservatives.
. . . Someone makes an uneducated, ill-informed joke about Mormons and their many wives. Please. That’s SO two centuries ago.
. . . Someone who is not registered to vote joins the conversation. Pipe down there, chief . . . you have waived your right to comment.
. . . Someone writes something profanity-laced, mean, and spiteful, and does it all in the name of God and/or while citing the Tao Te Ching. That’s not Zen, man.
. . . Someone who can’t balance a checkbook or pay bills on time comments about how the US should be spending its foreign aid. Yes, let’s put you in charge of the money, shall we?
. . . Someone posts an inappropriate photo of the Muppets from Sesame Street. Dude, Sesame Street is sacred. Elmo doesn’t smoke cigarettes, Big Bird doesn’t carry a gun, and Cookie doesn’t drink beer. (He likes cookies and perhaps a cup of milk, but only if it’s the weekend, he has a designated driver, and he doesn’t have to be up early the next day.)
Take a look at your Facebook feed. You should be good and drunk in about 10 minutes.