Friday, October 5, 2012

Since You've Been Gone

I have decided that I am bipolar.  This is not a professional opinion, mind you; it’s a self-diagnosis based on past behaviors.

I spend the majority of my time on an even plane, but THEN I GET ANTS IN MY PANTS (or as Hubby affectionately calls it, “a bug up my @ss,”) AND I START CLEANING LIKEMARTHA STEWARTONSPEED!!!

Hubby loves it when this happens because, well, I gets sh*t done.  He once came home from work to find me standing on the counter organizing the top shelf of dishes.  (Granted, I was 9 months pregnant at the time and I was clearly nesting, and probably should not have been standing on the counter since I’m clumsy/dizzy/awkward even when I’m NOT pregnant.)  I hate it when he sees me doing housework.  I like to keep the magic behind the scenes . . . kinda like Disney World in Smalltown, Virginia.  That, and I like to keep his expectations low so that when I actually do some housekeeping I get all kinds of high-fives and chest bumps.  (Although the latter may be more for his enjoyment than any desire to give me accolades.)

Hubby’s been out of town for 9 days and will be returning tomorrow.  He has a lot to be proud of – I’ve, um, been busy.  I am NOT one of those moms who skwooshes her own baby food or concocts her own laundry detergent, so TRUST ME, this behavior is an anomaly.  I plan to return to my normal sloth-like behavior next week.

Things I’ve accomplished since Hubby’s been gone:

1.  Had the guy from Sears come out and repair our dishwasher, which had about an inch of schmat (you know that stuff you think of when you see the floor in a fraternity house?) and dishes that needed to be rewashed even after their spin through the dishwasher.

2.  Noticed a leak in the ceiling, called the home warranty company, and arranged for a plumber to come inspect the Master Bath.

3.  Scheduled appointments for contractors to come next week to give me estimates for how much of my children’s college tuition they will need in order to fix the tile in my shower.
4.  Put the fear o’ God in the lawn guy, who has been dilly-dallying instead of installing the trees that were supposed to planted in June.  (Seriously, our neighbors already hate us; we don't need to give them more fodder, and we agreed we would install these trees MONTHS ago.)  His excuse?  He has a lot of customers.  My response?  I don’t want to be last on your list.  Git ‘er done by Friday or we’re finding another lawn guy. 

5.  Built two book shelves.  Chopped the wood, sawed it, smoothed it, painted it.  Just kidding.  Opened the box from Target and read the instructions.  You know what I did NOT do?  Feed the fish in the tanks on top of the bookshelves.  Gee, I hope they don’t die.

I'm not sure why Small looks like he's
done something bad.  Maybe I should
take a look around while he's napping . . . 
6.  Repurposed the old bookshelf from Medium’s room.  Applied Contact paper to the back and dressed it up a little and voila!  Another flat surface on which we will place items that belong elsewhere.

7.  Painted the door from the laundry room to the garage with chalkboard paint.  We can write fun little messages to each other, and as an added bonus, muddy fingerprints won’t show as much.  That's the plan anyway.

8.  Changed the knobs and drawer pulls in the kitchen.  I painted the knobs a darker color so that they’d match the new drawer pulls that have been waiting patiently to fulfill their drawer-pulling destiny.

Not a particularly flattering photo
of Small.  But you know what?
You refuse to get outta Mommy's
picture?   Mommy posts your
weird little face on the
world wide internets.  
9.  Had the roof cleaned and the siding and deck power washed.  Well, Hubby made all the arrangements, but I wrote the check and left it taped to the front door, so clearly I deserve SOME of the credit for getting this accomplished.

10.  Had the house sprayed for ants, because with three boys and a dog, guess what?  We have ants.  Although why they were in the bathroom is beyond me.

Oh, and also?
Helped Large with his reading project poster, helped Large with his Spanish project powerpoint, got flu shots for all 3 boys, took Medium to art class, took Large to the batting cages, went to choir practice, went to two Boy Scout Den meetings and one Pack meeting, got a bikini wax, arranged for transportation to and from two baseball practices, drank wine with my girlfriends in my kitchen, made sure all the school library books were returned on time, bought shoes to match the dress I’m wearing to Hubby’s work function next weekend, got my toes done, remembered to call my Mother-in-Law on her birthday, took Medium to tutoring, and took the boys out for frozen yogurt.

If you need me, I’ll be taking a nap and gearing up for my next Manic episode, which will probably not arrive for another decade or so.

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