Friday, December 30, 2011

New Year's List o' Things I Probably Won't Accomplish

I am not a huge fan of New Year’s Resolutions, mostly because I hate setting myself up for failure.  Don’t you think if I really thought I could lose 10 lbs. by simply resolving to do so starting January 1st I would have done so by now? 

Nevertheless, I am going to attempt to hold myself accountable by putting some goals (NOT resolutions) out there in the universe.  And by universe I mean the World Wide Internets.  I must admit that I do not have high hopes.  Actually I foresee a post on December 31, 2012 that includes a video of the honey badger and which is titled "Guess Who Else Doesn’t Give a Sh*t?"  

Karma, if you’re out there, please help me out a little.  I try to be a good person.  (Relax, I didn’t say nice person, I said good.  There’s a difference.  This is how I earned the nickname Sweet B*tch in college.)

So here’ goes:

1.  Lose weight
I know everyone says this, but I really need to lose weight.  I remember joining Weight Watchers once . . . yes, I’ve joined MANY times . . . and hearing a woman say her goal was to lose 9 lbs.  NINE lbs.?  I don’t mean to undermine her goal, but to someone who needs to lose, um, more than 9 lbs., that sounds like a good night at Outback, not a goal weight. 

The thing is, diabetes runs in my family.  I don’t want my kids to have the fat mom, and I currently weigh more than I did when I was pregnant.       

Prom, 1991
Although looking at it now, maybe my
Big Hair just made the rest of my
body look smaller . . . 
I have many reasons why I need to lose weight, but the primary reason is that I am getting fat.  Not just “fluffy” like I was before; I mean I’m getting FAT.  I use food as comfort, and I need to remember that food is sustenance, not a hug from the pantry.  I also realize that I have had a distorted body image for a looooong time, meaning I thought I was fat way before I really was.  Now I really am.  (And for those of you who read my previous blog entry about people who post needy messages on Facebook in order to elicit sympathetic responses, this is NOT one of those times.  I don’t need sympathy; I need a life change.)

2.  Prepare and Eat Well-Balanced Meals
It’s no secret that I don’t like to cook.  I like to eat.  Cooking takes too long.  Since Hubby often works late or has evening meetings, I usually make something quick for the boys.  Then I end up eating remnants of grilled cheese or cold spaghetti.  I have turned my kitchen into a restaurant where each diner places his own order.  Since no one likes the same thing, I make grilled cheese for one, macaroni and cheese for another, etc.  Notice there are no requests for vegetables.  I have created these monsters, and I need to put an end to my family’s poor eating habits because I am the main culprit.  

3.  Spend less time on Facebook
Facebook is such a timesuck.  Because I’m so nosy curious, I spend way too much time snooping around in other people’s business.  When I think of all the creative things I could be doing with what little free time I have, it makes me cringe to know that I waste it by cyber-stalking people I barely know.  Plus, I have a bad habit of believing things I read on Facebook, like how happy/fulfilled/successful everybody is.  I need to work on my own happiness, and Facebook makes NO contribution to my overall well-being. 

4.  Stop saying “I’m sorry”
I don’t mean that I need to stop apologizing when/if I’m wrong.  I mean when someone backs into me in the aisle at the grocery store, why is my first instinct to apologize?  I feel like I’m apologizing for taking up space, and that ain’t right.                

5.  Start putting more effort into my appearance
Perhaps this sounds shallow, but I feel so much better when I look better.  I am not the kind of woman who can roll out of bed and look all fresh and eager to begin my day.  Just ask any of my neighbors who have bus stop duty in the morning.  I am aging, just like everyone else, (even though I have a firm plan in place in which I will remain 39 forever.  Not that I’m 39.  Because I’m not.  I’m 38.)  Anyhoo . . . I need to keep up with my hair, my skin, and my style.  (And perhaps shave my legs a little more often.)  There’s no reason for me to be wearing pastel-colored elasticized pants and embroidered blouses just yet.  I remember thinking my mom looked so pretty when she got dressed up and wore makeup, which she didn’t do often because she stayed at home with us kids.  I don’t want my kids to look at me and think, man, Mom cleans up real nice, when she washes her hair.  I mean I'm never going to be a Ginger; I'll always be a MaryAnne.  But right now I look as if MaryAnne got trapped on Gilligan's Island with a keg full o' beer and a never-ending supply of Doritos.

So there ya have it.  My goals probably aren’t much different from anyone else’s.  If I decide not to run the Honeybadger post next year, I can probably re-post this one.  It will probably be just as relevant then as it is today.  Maybe I'm having a mid-life crisis . . .                                                       


  1. Wishing you well on accomplishing your goals in 2012, you space taker upper. ;)

  2. Hi, Mommy--
    As a friend who was really fat and now has Type 2 Diabetes, may I share my secrets of losing weight? Yes, I may.
    DO YOUR MAIN MEAL AT LUNCH. This way you can control it. You are not starved for FOOD, you are starved for NUTRIENTS. This is my theory, because it was true for me. When you get all you NUTRITION, weirdly, you aren't as hungry. To wit, let's start with dessert.
    1. Buy frozen fruit that you like. I buy blueberries and strawberries. I take a half cup or so of each and put some in a plastic container saved from Chinese takeout soup. I sprinkle (pour) Splenda on it. Over this I put Fage Greek yogurt, walnuts, and nutmeg. I let it thaw in my fridge at work, and since it's usually still frozen, I get delicious ice cream after my main meal, below.
    2. Buy frozen vegetables, such as broccoli. Steam it, squeeze lemon juice on it, add salt and pepper. It's yum. You can do some each day or do a mess of it and add it to salad, below.
    3. Buy salad stuff you like (preferably with redleaf or other substantive lettuce), make one big salad; each day, top with cheese of your choice, and have that for lunch (can keep for 3 days). Cook chicken breasts on Monday, and keep them for the week as the protein--on the salad or on the side.
    4. Keep cans of V-8 on hand and drink a can of this each day. You get two servings of vegetables with an 8 oz can and then you really will not get as hungry for carbs, etc.
    Anyway, try this as an experiment, and then make it your habit. By dinner time, you really might not need to eat much at all. I love you. Go for the resolution game and keep writing.

  3. Heya!

    I just discovered your blog, and found myself nodding in agreement with your goals. :/ I don't even have kids yet, but because I work from home, it's impressive when I get dressed before noon!

    That said, there are two things I think you might want to look into. is ridiculously helpful, as is Honestly, though, I bought the FlyLady book and am finding it more organized than her website (ironic, but true!) :D

    In any case, best wishes, and have a great 2012!


Be nice, kids.