Saturday, May 19, 2012

Livin' Life Like a Toddler

Wouldn’t it be flippin’ awesome if we could all live our lives with the enthusiasm that toddlers have? 

(By the way, I have a new nickname for Small.  It’s Baby Smalls.  It’s like Biggie Smalls, except much less violent and with a much smaller, better-behaved entourage.   From now on, I’m gonna live my life like Baby Smalls.)

  • I will ignore the dishes/laundry/vacuuming etc. so that I can sit for an hour and put muffin cups in the muffin tin, then take them out, and then put them back in again.

  • I will run everywhere.  Not for exercise.  Just because. 

  • I’m going to take a seat on the couch and then bark out what I want to watch.  “I wanna watch Jersey Shore!”  I will watch for 15 minutes, and then yell “I wanna watch Jeopardy!” until someone changes the channel.

  • I will sit on the potty at random times during the day, not do anything, flush, and then exclaim, “I did it!” while throwing my hands up in the air and doing a little dance/jump number.

  • I will wake up in the morning and exclaim, “I wanna ride inna car!”  I won't have anyplace I need to be, I just wanna ride.

  • In fact, every sentence I speak will be punctuated by many exclamation points.

“I wanna haffle!!!!”
“Daddys-a work!!!!”

  • I will wear my pajama top out in public.  Oh, I’ll put pants on, but I’m wearing this comfy top wherever I go, or I’m not going.
  • I will give people things. . . . like when someone's sitting on the couch having a conversation, I will deliver his/her wallet, or a fork, or a roll of toilet paper, and I will announce, “here go.”

  • I will hold the following one-sided conversation on other people’s cell phones:

“Ummmm . . . yes.  Ummmm . . . no.  Whay go?  Ummmm . . . no.”
  • We'll leave the house when I'm damn good and ready.  I don't care if we have an appointment.

  • I will eat every single ever-lovin’ raisin I can find today.  Tomorrow, not so much.  Tomorrow I won't like them anymore.

  • I will sneeze wherever I damn well please.

  • If I find food, I’m eatin’ it.  It really makes no nevermind to me if it’s been in the dog’s dish.  I’m sharing.  Sharing is caring.

  • I am going to walk up to family members and hit them.  Just because.  Then I’m going to give my sad, pouty face and announce that I need a hug.

  • I’m going to watch The Muppets every day.  Sometimes twice.  And I’m going to sing, “maaaaaan?  Ooooo Buppetttttt?”  at random intervals throughout the day.

  • I will pet the dog.  Really hard.

  • I’m going to start looking at people without turning my head – just moving my eyes from side to side.  It’s just more interesting that way.

  • Everytime I take a bath, I’m going to invite Mr. Bubble and bring some matchbox cars, a few Power Rangers, and an ice tea pitcher.

  • When I feel like singing, I’m gonna sing, and I’m gonna sing about whatever is on my mind. 

“Is Mater . . . . on my foooooot . . . daddys-a work . . . . ooooooo . . . I stinky . . . . . pretzels.”

The End.

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Be nice, kids.