Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Why Do I Have to Do Everything Around Here?

In the past week, two of my children have announced, “I have to do EVERYTHING around here!”  I won’t tell you which two, but suffice it to say it was not the child whose only complete sentence is “I wan git out.”

I had asked someone to pick up legos and I had asked someone else to take his shoes upstairs to his room.  Both requests were enough to send my exhausted, overworked children into meltdown mode.  Obviously I’m running some sort of child labor camp out here in the ‘burbs. 

Just for the sake of argument, some of MY responsibilities around here:

  • Make lunches (pb for one, jelly for the other.  Because heaven forbid they want the same thing.)
  • Laundry – carrying it downstairs, separating it, folding it, putting it away, repeat.
  • Oversee homework – this includes actively monitoring the process as I am forced to be a hoverer lest it not get completed . . . which ultimately leads to a very tense Thursday evening.
  • Load/unload the dishwasher.
  • Wipe the yellow from around the toilet bowl.
  • Steam clean the carpet where the dog peed.  Again.
  • Wait for the plumber.
  • Go Grocery shopping.
  • Make sure each bathroom is appropriately stocked with toothpaste, toilet paper, and soap
  • Drop off and pick up the dry-cleaning.
  • Change light bulbs.  (oops, I forgot: the Lighbulb Fairy does that.)
  • Take the dog to the vet.
  • Transport patients to various dentist/doctor/allergist appointments.
  • Prepare delightful meals that my children won’t eat.
  • Keep the family calendar.
  • Taxi children to Cub Scouts and various sports practices.
  • Attend parent-teacher conferences and field phone calls from the principal.
  • Vacuum, since I’m still finding random Christmas ornament hangers embedded in the carpet.
  • Make sure we always have an epipen, ibuprofin, children's cough medicine, neosporin, bandaids, and pepto.
  • Make sure the Cub Scout uniforms are ready for Wednesday and Friday, the basketball uniform is ready for Monday and Saturday, and the baseball uniform is ready for Sunday.
  • Plan spectacular birthday parties that rival the festivities surrounding the Royal Wedding.

And that’s just the BIG stuff.  There are lots of mundane little tasks that I also take care of:

  • Turning the Wii on
  • Pouring milk
  • Reaching the top shelf of the pantry
  • Turning the shower on
  • Reaching the top drawer
  • Cutting the top off the yogurt
  • Twisting the top off the Gatorade
  • Putting batteries in the remote
  • Tying shoes
  • Wiping snotty/boogery/crusty noses
  • Wiping, um, other things

AND I do all this while trying to maintain a modicum of my former intelligence, any youthful good looks I may have once had, and an enthusiastic parenting attitude, while trying not to hit the sauce until after 5pm.

So yes, children – clearly I owe you an apology for asking you to pitch in a bit.  I’ll do that right after I finish sitting on my @ss while watching my stories.

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Be nice, kids.