Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Favorite Quotes of the Summer . . . so far.

Favorite Quotes of Summer "Vacation"

1.  Necessary background info:  Small is . . . well . . . small.  He is only in the 1 percentile for weight; in fact, he isn’t even on the curve on the doctor’s growth chart.  He eats well and he is not malnourished, but of all three of our boys, he is the one who likes fruit and veggies.  Plus he is a busy little guy – he’s got the metabolism of a meth addict.  After our last weight check at the pediatrician’s office:
“Is Small gonna grow up to be a midget?”
Besides, I think they prefer to be called Little People.

2.  Medium hands me a tissue.  “Here.  I put the booger on the inside.”

3.  Randomly . . . “When you die, I’ll think of you.”
Um, thanks?

4.  SOMEone decided a giant plastic baseball bat full of gumballs would be a good birthday gift for Large.  It is not. 
“Mom, I have gum in my hair.  I have learned. my. lesson.”
Shane gets his math skillz from Mommy.

5.  Necessary background info:  Shane is a stuffed wolf Medium got at Great Wolf Lodge last fall.  He goes with us everywhere.  He’s like a member of the family, and I’ve had to superglue his nose back on three times.  You know I’m not supposed to play with the superglue after the Great Superhero Convalescent Home Incident of 2007. 

Medium: “Did you know Shane knows how to talk?  Watch.  Shane, what’s 2+2?”
Shane: “um, 5?”
Large: “It’s 4.”
Medium: “I said he knows how to talk; he doesn’t know math.”

6.  Necessary background info: I generally don’t wear tank tops as they accentuate my bat wings.  On one particularly persweaty day, however, I wore a tank top.  The fashion police, cleverly disguised as my 6-year-old, had comments:
“your armpits are getting furry.”

7.  Necessary background info: My in-laws have a pet turtle.  And by "pet," I mean they found him in the middle of the road and decided they needed to bring him INTO their home.  Now my FIL cooks the turtle hot dogs and lovingly cuts them up into little pieces, because lord knows we don’t want to have to take a choking turtle to the vet.  So when Hubby went to the fridge to get a snack, my MIL reminded him,
“Don’t eat the turtle’s watermelon.  It’s not as fresh.”
Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve said THAT . . .
Yes, folks, the turtle also gets temperature-controlled watermelon chunks. 

8.  Trying to catch up with his cousins, who took off on their bikes . . . "I'll never catch up to them!  What if I come back with raccoons and sloths all over me?!"
Wha?  What the h*ll have you been watching?

It’s only the beginning of July . . . I’ll keep track of my family’s utterances so I have something to blog about again later!

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Be nice, kids.