Monday, November 22, 2010

It Sure is a Good Thing I Have a College Degree!

Reinforcements have arrived!

The voices in my head are singing strains of the Hallelujah Chorus.

Hubby got home Friday evening.  Since then, I have slept, showered, and run errands by myself – it has been a little slice o’ heaven.  I thoroughly enjoyed driving the car that does not have car seats while listening to inappropriate music.  A big shout out to my husband, who spent the weekend “bonding” with our offspring so I could regain my sanity.

A glimpse at last week:

Saturday:  Rock Star Birthday Party.  I felt it necessary to shop for and purchase “rock star” attire, including saucy bandannas, kick a$$ t-shirts, and iron ons, and then to transform each of my children into bada$$es.

Sunday: Church (partly because the boys went to Sunday School and Small went to the nursery, so I got to sit in relative peace and quiet for an hour. Don’t ask me what the sermon was about though.)

Monday:  Doctor’s Appointment.  I have decided to seek out a new doctor.  I tried to be open-minded . . . I really did.  I made an appointment with what I thought was a female doctor I found on our insurance website.  When I showed up for my appointment, however, the doctor was male.  Turns out it was one of those androgynous names, like Shannon.  Since I give my doctors politically incorrect nicknames, (the OB who delivered Medium was The Gaysian,) I have no choice but to refer to him as Dr. Turban.  I realize our cultural differences may be minimal, but I just can’t bring myself to discuss any topics that may or may not require discussion of s.e.x.  He is very pleasant and very professional.  I am not professional; I am immature and, apparently, a bit of a prude.

Monday afternoon: Guarding the Money Pit.  I had to wait for and consult with the sprinkler guy, and later in the week, the HVAC guy, which of course, required me to stick close to home between the hours of 12-6.  Because I'm such an expert at all things sprinkler and HVAC.  I could have used this time wisely and completed any of the following:
Full of Spaghetti Makers and Coffee Mugs.

Laundry Purgatory - a necessary pit stop on the
journey from dryer to folded & sorted.
(Don't worry.  The dog was added afterwards.)

The List.  Items left incomplete magically
appear on next week's list.  Perhaps I
need stricter deadlines.

Seriously, it's still Monday: Trip to School #1.   I took the wee ones to watch Large’s class’s “theatre” production.  Cute, but he's not gonna win any Oscars.  Going to his class meant strapping Small into the Bjorn, swatting the hand of the classmate who cannot seem to keep his hands off my baby, and giving Medium the stink-eye every time he made a peep during the performance, most of which I missed because I was, well,  too busy giving Medium the stink-eye.

Tuesday: Trip to School #2.  This time to work on the PTA bulletin boards.  I get a buzz out of using the Ellison die-cut machine.  I love cutting out the paper and punching out the letters; it makes my heart all aflutter.  I love the giant roll of paper.  And the staples.  And the googly eyes.  And the glue.  Something is wrong with me.

later Tuesday:  Trip to School #3.  Back to school to pick Large up from his after-school sign language class.  Chances are, he's learning how to say "you're not the bossa me!" in sign language.

Wednesday: Weekly playdate.  This week was my turn to host a playdate for Medium, which was actually nice because his friend digs my macaroni-and-cheese makin’ skillz.

Bork, bork, bork da noodleys.
later Wednesday: Cooking - a term I use loosely.  We made dinner for a mommy in our neighborhood who is sick.  The moms in the ‘hood have organized a schedule so that this family doesn’t have to worry about meals.  I don’t cook though, so they got quite the epicurean masterpiece:  Spaghetti, a jar of Ragu, and brownies.  Nevertheless, they were gracious and complimentary.  Why does bad stuff have to happen to people like that? 

Thursday: Weight Watchers.  Time to weigh in so I'll know how many lbs. I put on at Thanksgiving.  I'm looking forward to breaking out my buffet pants at the Thanksgiving table.  In fact, I may just cut out the middle man and saddle up in my pajamas.  This year I am thankful for elastic.

later Thursday: School, again. This time for Medium’s Thanksgiving festivities.  He was a turkey.  Surprise.

Thursday afternoon: Playdate for Large.  Large and his friend played together beautifully, but guess what, Jack Tripper?  TWO’s company.  Three’s a recipe for jealousy and he’s-had-more-playdates-than-me score-keeping. 

And finally, on Friday, my beloved came home.  We are right on schedule to be annoying each other as usual within a few days . . . and all will be right with the world.

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Be nice, kids.