Wednesday, November 7, 2012

What Brings You Here?

Every once and a while I look at all the information and statistics Blogger keeps regarding the BoyMommy blog.  It makes absolutely NO sense to me, but I have learned a few things. 

First, if someone links to my blog (by “sharing” it on your Facebook page, for example,) the blog gets A LOT more traffic than it does when I post it on my page or the BoyMommy Facebook page . . . because I can only reach so many people, but if you tell your friends, and they tell their friends, and they tell their friends, well, that’s a lot of people who I otherwise might not reach.  (Is everyone picking up on my subtle attempt to get you to share my blog on your page?  Huh?  Are ya?)

Second, if you type in certain search words on Google, you will be directed to my BoyMommy blog.  One would think that’s a wonderful opportunity, and it is, but I must say I am a little disturbed at the searches that are directing people to my blog.  Further, I am sure the searchers are equally as disturbed when they are directed to a blog that essentially chronicles my shortcomings as a parent, a dieter, and a general wearer of clothes.

You can’t make this sh*t up.  The following are ACTUAL searches that people Googled and that eventually led them to my blog.  I’m not sure if I should be more concerned with the peculiar searches or the fact that the world wide internets thinks, hmmm . . . you know what THIS person needs?  A little glimpse into BoyMommy’s life, that’s what! 

There are plenty of searches for boy mom, mom and boy, etc., and some pretty innocuous searches for various craft ideas or preppy clothing ideas.  But then there are the others . . . the searches that make me fear for the future of society. 

These are my faves:

  • "Kid pooping" - whatdyawant?  a picture?
  • "Midget shooting a bird" - yeah, I'd pay to see that.  I'd look it up myself if I didn't think it would direct me right back to my own blog.
  • "Audrey Hepburn Leggings" - this, for some reason, is the most popular search that links people to me.
  • "Dinosaur Train Sex" - um, you're a sicko, you freak.
  • "Announcement for the funeral of my . . ." - of my WHAT?  You can't leave me hangin' like that!
  • "Little boys pooping" - I've seen enough of this in my lifetime that I need not look it up on the world wide internets.
  • "Spider trim" - like, how to give a spider a haircut?
  • "How to lose 50 lbs. in 2 weeks" - if I knew the answer to this one, I wouldn't be sitting at my kitchen counter writing a blog about "Dinosaur Train Sex."
  • "Didn’t even send a card" - Dude.  Sorry.  I didn't know.
  • "Why do I have to do everything?" - I can pretty much guarantee that you did not find the answer you were seeking.
  • "Love poem packers" - I love poems so I pack them?  I love Green Bay, so I write poems?
  • "Big girl bloated beer" - okay, I kinda understand this one.
  • "Boy getting bikini wax" - um, eeeeewwwwww.
Okay, so if you like this blog, please share a post (this one, or choose another favorite) on your Facebook page.  I will love you forever.

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Be nice, kids.